someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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