just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
