i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
