my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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