bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The uberlube is also flammable
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
