Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
