I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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