and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
