i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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