i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
