HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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