is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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