I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need a beard to bite.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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