i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
