She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
