Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
