Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
