That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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