I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
