Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
