Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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