Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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