A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
