he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
