I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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