I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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