I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
