A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
