Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize