I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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