for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
