"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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