sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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