coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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