What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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