im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
MIDGETS
????
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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