Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
