they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
In America we eat man semen.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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