I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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