Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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