I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
