You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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