I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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