She's JV to your varsity
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
