I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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