I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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