You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
