Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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