I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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