Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
These tits shall not be calmed