I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
