just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
