We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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