Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wear drunk well.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
