Cold hands, warm shart.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
