Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When are your genitals available?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
