i just google imaged poop.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
