you would pick up someone in the library
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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