How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
