His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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