Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
