She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
