I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Still dying that you shit outside
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Never underestimate the power of titties
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
