Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
