I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
