put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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