I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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