Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
