Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
