Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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