I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Semen is not good for contacts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
