We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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