thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
