He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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