i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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