it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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