kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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