Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
